Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off is a 1986 film about a Chicago high school student who decides to take the day off from school with his girlfriend and his best friend, while creatively avoiding his school's dean of students, his resentful younger sister, and his parents.

Written and directed by John Hughes.
One Man's Struggle to Take It Easy Taglines
"The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than 100 were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love. It is his passion."
"It is his fault he didn't lock the garage."
Ferris, he never drives it. He just rubs it with a diaper. Hey. Remember how insane he went when I broke my retainer? Huh? Come on, that was a little piece of plastic. This is a Ferrari.
"4,000 restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to."
"We're pinched for sure."
"No way, Cameron. Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive."
There is an intruder, male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird, in my kitchen. My name's Bueller. Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better, but I'm in danger. Okay? I'm very cute, I'm very alone, and I'm very protective of my body. I do not want it violated or killed! All right?!

Ferris Bueller

  • [after his parents have left, thinking he is ill] They bought it. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this? This is my ninth sick day this semester. It's getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably gonna have to barf up a lung, so I'd better make this one count. The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
  • Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean really, what's the point. I'm not European. I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists. They could be fascist anarchists and it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
  • It's not that I condone fascism or any 'ism' for that matter. Ism's, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an 'ism,' he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: 'I don't believe in Beatles. I just believe in me.' A good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
  • If anybody needs a day off it's Cameron. He's got a lotta things to sort out before he graduates. He can't be wound up this tight and go to college. His roommate'll kill him. Pardon my French, but Cameron is so uptight, if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in 2 weeks, you'd have a diamond.
  • Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.
  • [after he barely gets back in bed, and his parents leave the room] Yep. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
  • [last line; in post-credits scene] [to home audience; after emerging from his bedroom] You're still here? It's over. Go home. [walks back to his bedroom; shoos audience away] Go.

Jeanie Bueller

  • [on the phone after her encounter with Rooney] Look, this is not a phony phone call. There is an intruder, male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird, in my kitchen. My name's Bueller. [pause] Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better, but I'm in danger. Okay? I'm very cute, I'm very alone, and I'm very protective of my body. I do not want it violated or killed! All right?! I need help! [pause again] Speak any English?! [hangs up] DICK HEAD!
  • [discovers that Ferris has been faking being sick and sneaking out of the house by finding a mannequin in his bed] I KNEW IT!!!

Dialogue

Economics Teacher: [takes attendance] Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Simone: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
Teacher: Thank you, Simone.
Simone: No problem whatsoever.
Teacher: [continues with attendance] Frye? Frye? Frye?
Rooney: [on the phone with Ferris' mother] Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendance record?
Katie: I don't understand.
Rooney: He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Now I've spent my morning examining his records. If Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. I have no reservation whatsoever about holding him back another year. [snickers]
Katie: This is all news to me.
Rooney: It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent 9 times.
Katie: 9 times?
Rooney: 9 times.
Katie: I don't remember him being sick 9 times.
Rooney: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path.
Katie: I can't believe it.
Rooney: I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed 9 days.
[his computer screen begins counting down from 9 to 2; Ferris is at home looking at the same screen on his computer]
Ferris: [to the home audience] I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?
Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.
Grace: Well, with your bad knee, Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody. [he looks at Grace] It's true.
Rooney: What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas.
Grace: Uh huh.
Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is 1,500 Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body.
Grace: Well, he makes you look like an ass, is what he does, Ed.
Rooney: Thank you, Grace. I think you're wrong.
Grace: Oh, well, he's very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads — They all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
Rooney: That is why I have got to catch him this time. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first-class ticket to nowhere.
Grace: Oh, Ed, you sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
Rooney: Really?
Grace: Uh huh.
Rooney: [smiles] Thanks, Grace.
Rooney: [After hearing Sloane's grandmother has passed away] Dead grandmother?
Grace: Yes, that's what Mr. Peterson said. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane, poor little lamb.
Rooney: [Growing skeptical] Who's this girl going out with?
Grace: Oh it's so hard to tell these days. I do see her with Ferris Bueller quite a little bit.
Rooney: Would you get me Mr. Peterson's daytime number, please?
Grace: Sure. [picks up ringing phone] Ed Rooney's office.
Cameron: [disguising his voice] This is George Peterson.
Grace: Oh! Uh, please hold. [to Rooney] What do ya know? It's Mr. Peterson. You still want his daytime number? [realizing, as Rooney shoots her a dirty look] Oh.
Rooney: [on the phone] Ed Rooney.
Cameron: Ed. This is George Peterson.
Rooney: How are you today, sir?
Cameron: Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.
Rooney: [feigning concern] Yeah, I heard, and, ooh, I'm all broken up. Boy, what a blow.
Cameron: Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, it's been a tough morning, and, uh, we got a lot of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane, I'd appreciate it.
Rooney: Uh, sure. Y'know, I'd be happy to. Yeah. You, uh, you-you just produce a corpse, and, uh, I'll release Sloane. I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand.
Grace: [suspiciously] Ed?
Rooney: [covering the phone; thinking he's talking to Ferris Bueller] It's alright, Grace, it's Ferris Bueller, the little twerp. I'm gonna set a trap, and let him fall right into it.
Grace: Ooh!
Cameron: Uh, uh, Ed, I-I'm sorry, did-- Did you say you wanted to see a body?
Rooney: Yeah, that's right, just, uh, roll her old bones on over here, and I'll dig up your daughter. You know, that's school policy.
Cameron: Oh.
Rooney: Uh, was this your mother?
Cameron: Uh, n-no, my wife's mother.
Grace: [picks up other extension on her phone] Ed Rooney's office.
Ferris: Hi, this is Ferris Bueller. Can I speak to Mr. Rooney, please? Thank you.
Grace: [caught off-guard] Uh... hold. [runs over and starts waving frantically to Rooney]
Rooney: Tell ya what, dipshit. You don't like my policies, you can come on down here and smooch my big ol' white butt.
Grace: [loud whisper] Ed!
Rooney: Pucker up, Buttercup. [to Grace; quietly] What?
Grace: Ferris Bueller's on Line 2.
[Mr. Rooney freezes, turning to the phone in horror]
Ferris: [Over the phone] Hiya, Mr. Rooney, how ya doin? Listen, I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I'm not feeling very well today and I was wondering if it might be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I might need. Have a nice day. [Hangs up]
[Rooney switches the phone back to Line 1]
Rooney: Mr. Peterson? [Cameron clears his throat gruffly, imitating Mr. Peterson] Uh, you know, I-I- think I owe you an apology , sir.
Cameron: Well I should say you do!
Rooney: I uh, I-I-I-
Cameron: Well I think you should be sorry for Christ sake! A family member dies, and you insult me! What the hell is that matter with you, anyway!?
Rooney: [Stammering] I-I-I-, uh. I-I- really don't know, sir, I didn't think I was talking to you, I thought I was talking to somebody else. You know that I would never deliberately insult you like that. I-I- can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am.
Cameron: Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Asshole!
Rooney: Uh, you're absolutely right, sir, you've hit the nail right on the head. [To Grace in a loud whisper] Find out where she is!
Cameron: This isn't over yet, buster, do you read me?
Rooney: Uh, loud and clear, Mr. Peterson.
Cameron: Call me "sir", Goddamit!
Rooney: Uh, yes, yes, yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Cameron: That's better. You just mind you Ps and Qs, buster, and remember who you're dealing with.
Ferris: [Walks in to the kitchen in a suit and tie doing a James Bond impression] Bueller, Ferris Bueller.
Cameron: [To Ferris in normal voice, covering the phone] Now, I-I'm a little scared because what if he recognizes my voice?
Ferris: Impossible. You're doing great.
Cameron: Yeah?
[Rooney and Grace are running around the office in a panic]
Cameron: [On the phone disguising his voice again] Rooney?
Grace: [Making groaning noises on the phone, pretending to be Rooney]
Cameron: Rooney! Calm down!
Grace: [Imitating Rooney] Uh, just a moment, uh.. [To Rooney in a loud whisper] Ed! Ed!
Rooney: [Taking the phone from Grace] Uh, just a little office difficulty, sir.
Cameron: Rooney, I don't have all day to bark at you so I'm gonna make this short and sweet. I want my daughter out in front of the school in 10 minutes, by herself. I don't want anybody- [Ferris smacks him]
Cameron: [To Ferris in normal voice] What?
Ferris: It's too suspicious, he'll think something's up. Cover it.
Cameron: You!
Ferris: Talk!
Cameron: Come on!
Ferris: Talk! Go!
Cameron: [Disguising his voice on the phone again] Rooney! Listen here, pay attention! I changed my mind; I want you out in front of the school with her, I'd like to have a few words with you, by God!
[Ferris smacks Cameron again, knocking the phone out of his hand]
Cameron: [Picks the phone up from the floor] On second thought, we don't have time to talk right now, we'll get together soon and we'll have lunch. [Ferris kicks him as he hangs up the phone] Ow! What the hell is wrong with you?
Ferris: Where's your brain!?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me!?
Ferris: Where's your brain!?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: I asked you first.
Ferris: How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?
Cameron: I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.
Ferris: And I, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.
Cameron: You hit me. Look, don't ask me to participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. [Ferris makes a mocking face] You make me get out of bed, you make come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney!? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.
Ferris: No, no, I did not. I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings
Cameron: Oh, really? Really?
Ferris: No, no, I didn't.
[Cameron takes his jersey off the coat rack and heads for the front door]
Ferris: What are you doing?
Cameron: See you later, pal. I'm going home.
Ferris: Oh, come on, come on, don't do that.
Cameron: Have a nice life.
Ferris: Oh, Cameron, wait a minute. Come back. I didn't mean to lose my temper. I'm sorry, it was uncalled for.
Cameron: You serious?
Ferris: Yeah. Here you go. [Hands him a cup of tea]
Cameron: Thank you.
Ferris: You did screw up though, right? I mean, not that it was completely your fault.
Cameron: Why?
Ferris: Well, to fix the situation, I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor.
[Ferris and Cameron enter the garage, where Cameron shows Ferris his father's prized possession]
Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than 100 were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love. It is his passion.
Ferris: [eyes the car hungrily] It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.
Cameron: Ferris, what are you talkin' about?
[Ferris leans on the car]
Ferris: Ooh!
Cameron: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.
Ferris: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.
[Ferris walks around the car]
Cameron: No. No. Apparently, you don't understand.
Ferris: Wow.
Cameron: Ferris, he never drives it. He just rubs it with a diaper. [runs his finger across the car] Hey. Remember how insane he went when I broke my retainer? Huh? Come on, that was a little piece of plastic. This is a Ferrari.
Ferris: Qué bella. [kisses his fingers] Cameron, I'm sorry, but we can't pick up Sloane in your car. Mr. Rooney would never believe Mr. Peterson drives that piece of shit.
Cameron: [under his breath] It's not a piece of shit.
Ferris: It is a piece of shit. Don't worry about it. I don't even have a piece of shit; I have to envy yours.
Cameron: [sarcastically] Oh, thanks.
Ferris: [desperately] Look, I'm sorry. There's nothing else we can do. [Ferris slowly gets in the Ferrari, and closes the door] Ooh.
Cameron: He knows the mileage, Ferris.
Ferris: He doesn't trust you?
Cameron: Never has, never will.
Ferris: Look, this is real simple. Whatever miles we put on, we'll take off.
Cameron: How?
Ferris: We'll drive home backwards.
Cameron: [laughs coldly] No. No! [Ferris starts the car] Ferris, forget it. You're just gonna have to think of something else. I'm putting my foot down. [Ferris smiles as he drives the Ferrari out of the garage] How about we rent a nice Cadillac?! My treat! We could call a limo! A nice stretch job with a TV and a bar! How 'bout that?!
Ferris: [drives back to pick up Cameron] Come on! Live a little!
Sloane: What are we gonna do?
Ferris: The question isn't "What are we going to do?", the question is "What aren't we going to do?"
Cameron: Don't say we're not gonna take the car home. Please don't say we're not gonna take the car home. Please don't say we're not gonna take the car home.
Ferris: [to the home audience] If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? [beat] Neither would I.
Ferris: [after inspecting the dashboard of the car] Hey, Cameron?
Cameron: Yeah?
Ferris: How many miles did you say this thing had on it when we left?
Cameron: 126 and halfway between three and 4/10. Why? How many miles are on it now?
[Ferris pulls over; Cameron takes a closer look at the mileage on the dashboard: 301.7 miles]
Ferris: Here's where Cameron goes berserk.
[Cameron screams and several shots of the city are shown]
Ferris: 4,000 restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to.
Cameron: We're pinched for sure.
Ferris: No way, Cameron. Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive. [puts on his beret] Let's go.
Cameron: Let's surrender.
Ferris: Never.

Taglines

  • One Man's Struggle to Take It Easy
  • Leisure Rules

Cast

This article is issued from Wikiquote. The text is available under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 unless otherwise noted. Additional terms may apply for the media files.