Tank Girl (film)

Tank Girl is a 1995 American post-apocalyptic science fiction action film based on the English comic series drawn by Jamie Hewlett and written by Alan C. Martin.

Directed by Rachel Talalay and screenplay-adapted by Tedi Sarafian.

• [Riding her yak out in a desert wasteland] Listen up, 'cause I'm only telling you this once. I'm not a bedtime lady so pay attention. It's 2033. The world is screwed now. You see, a while ago, this humongous comet the Earth. Bam, total devastation. End of the world as we know it. No TV, no celebrities. No water. It hasn't rained in 11 years! Now, twenty people gotta squeeze inside the same bathtub. So it ain't all bad. That's me, the one in the mask, [referring to her yak] no, the other one in the mask. Today's my boyfriend's birthday, so I'm shopping for the perfect gift. Whatever I can scrounge up. [Spots Water ạṇd Power Corp. employee victims] Uh-oh, Ripper raptors. The Ripper are a demonic army of blood thirsty, human eating, purse-snatching, mutant creatures. [Leans down on a victim] Witness exhibit A. Ugh, you are so dead. They're led by the infamous Johnny Prophet. They spend most of their time raidin' the WP. That's short for Water and Power. They control most of the water, and got all the power. Oh, wait. One last thing. My friends and me, we do not suck up to Water and Power. Yeah. we steal water, but as long as they don't find out, who gives a shit.
• [To Sam working on a wood sculpture] I thought you was workin' oṇ my Doris Dạy bust. I didn't trade you my Doris Dạy picture just for... whatever this is.
• [In a strait jacket, to Kesslee] It's really hard for me... to play with myself in this thing.
• [To Kesslee] Not if it's Monopoly, 'cause I really kick ass at that game. But... I get to be the shoe.
• [To Kesslee when asked of joining Water and Power] Yeah, that sounds groovy, do I get to wear a cute outfit like yours?
• [To Kesslee over his description of the solitary confinement pipe] Sounds wicked, can I go first?
• [Hauling a bucket of sand up a shaft, to guard] Hey, what time is it, I don't wanna miss Baywatch. [Gaurd then dumps bucket of sand on her head]
• [To security voice prompt of a Water and Power Corp. tank she is attempting to TWOC] My mom and yours, hanging out clothes.
• [To Jet Girl. under washroom stall] I was thinkin' about leaving this place. It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down. What do you reckon. We go to New York, see Cats .
• Come on. What do you say we bolt. [Gets grabbed, dragged by a guard and manhandled by a guard at gunpoint] I'm really starting to like it here. People are nice, food's great, and Ị love my job.
• [To Kesslee] Look, ịḟ you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues, shoot me now, please.
• You gotta think about it like the first time you got laid... You just gotta go, "Daddy? Are you sure this is right?"
• [To Jet Girl] How come you always cover your mouth when you smile. You got bad teeth or smothin.
• [Sitting on the barrel of her tank gun, Tank Girl pulls alongside the arms truck drivers] Feelin a little inadequate?
• NOW! EVERYBODY drop your guns... or I scrape off all her make-up. [She moves in on the Madam's face with a razor, then pulls back in disgust] This might take me a really long time.
• [As Muhammed Ali] Oh, I'm so pretty. I'm-a gonna hit you so hard, your children will be born bruised!
• [Mocking Kesslee while she is dressed as Dorothy Gale in an imagination cartoon clip] I'm melting, I'm melting.
• [Jabs Kesslee with body fluids sucking bottler] Try this close to your heart asshole.
• [To Kesslee] Did I hurt you yet?

• [To Tank Girl] The pipe. You're going to really love this one. It goes down 40 metres. Gets smaller and smaller the deeper you go.
• [To Tank Girl] Look, if you want to play, I'll play. and I'll win.

Tank Girl: [To Sergeant Small] Quit pickin' on my girlfriend! [Kisses Jet Girl]

Sergeant Small: Ugh... shit! God, that is.. [Leaves in disgust]

Jet Girl: Thanks, I think it worked.

Tank Girl: [Grinning] What worked?

T-Saint: I say we kill 'em!

Donner: I say we hump 'em.

Booga: I say we eat crumpets and tea.

Deetee: Tasty! Crumpets and tea. All in favor of crumpets and tea, say "aye".

Rippers: Aye!

T-Saint: Shut up! Ain't gonna be no crumpets and tea.

Tank Girl: Who'd you used to be?

T-Saint: A cop.

Tank Girl: Figures.

[To Tank Girl and Jet Girl]

Deetee: Okay, we're gonna give you babes a chance to prove yourselves. Call it an initiation.

T-Saint: You fail, you die!

Donner: Yeah, but first, you gotta strip.

Booga: That's not in the plan.

Deetee, T-Saint, Donner: Why not?

Donner: And these are so you can hear us. [To Tank Girl] This one's for you. [To Jet Girl] And this one... I made especially for you. Let me help you put it on 'cause it's kinda tricky... [Donner 'accidentally' drops it down her shirt and fumbles for it] I'm sorry. How clumsy of me.

Jet Girl: Get off!

Donner: It was hard to clip on.

[Tank Girl and Jet Girl are captured and gassed with Nitrous Oxide by the Rippers]

T-Saint: How much are they paying you?

Tank Girl: [Laughing maniacally] Two dollars and fifteen cents!

[Tank Girl and Booga are lying together]

Booga: See, it's one of Johnny Prophet's dreams. See how the people are all free, and the water just comes down from the sky and it don't cost nothin'. With flowers, and rainbows...

Tank Girl: It's beautiful...

[Jet Girl has a gun pointed at Small's head]

Sergeant Small: Fuck me...

Jet Girl: How many times do I have to tell you?! I don't... want to.

• Tank Girl quotes at the Internet Movie Database