Page:Emily Climbs.pdf/320

that I was the sweetest girl in the world. He will meet hundreds of wonderful girls out in the world—he will never think of me again.

“So be it.

“If Teddy doesn’t want me I won’t want him. That is a Murray tradition. But then I’m only half Murray. There is the Starr half to be considered. Luckily I have a career and an ambition also to think about, and a jealous goddess to serve, as Mr. Carpenter once told me. I think she might not tolerate a divided allegiance.

“I am conscious of three sensations.

“On top I am sternly composed and traditional.

“Underneath that, something that would hurt horribly if I let it is being kept down.

“And underneath that again is a queer feeling of relief that I still have my freedom.

“All Shrewsbury is laughing over Ilse’s last exploit and half Shrewsbury is disapproving. There is a certain very pompous young Senior who acts as usher in St. John’s Church on Sundays, who takes himself very seriously and whom Ilse hates. Last Sunday she dressed herself up as an old woman, borrowing the toggery from a poor relation of Mrs. Adamson’s who boards with her—a long, full, black skirt, bordered with crape, a black mantle bordered with crape, a widow’s bonnet, and a heavy crape widow’s veil. Arrayed thus, she tottered down the street and paused wistfully at the church steps as if she couldn’t possibly climb them. Young Pomposity saw her, and, having some decent instincts behind his pomposity, went gallantly to her assistance. He took her shaking, mittened hand—it was shaking all right—Ilse was in spasms of laughter behind her veil—and assisted her frail, trembling feet up the steps, through the porch, up the aisle and into a pew. Ilse murmured a broken blessing on him, handed him a tract, sat through the service and then tottered home. Next day, of course, the story was all through the school and the poor lad was so guyed by the other boys