Page:Evgenii Zamyatin - We (Zilboorg translation).pdf/65

“Indecency?”

“Yes. To let out into the street such a group of baldheaded, naked little truths. Only imagine, please. Imagine, say, that persistent admirer of mine—S-, well, you know him. Then imagine: if he should discard the deception of clothes and appear in public in his true form. . . . Oh!” She laughed. But I clearly saw her lower, sorrowful triangle: two deep grooves from the nose to the mouth. And for some reason these grooves made me think: that double curved being, half-hunched, with winglike ears—he embraced her? Her, such . . . Oh!

Naturally, I try now merely to express my abnormal feelings of that moment. Now, as I write, I understand perfectly that all this is as it should be; that he, S-4711, like any other honest Number, has a perfect right to the joys of life, and that it would be unjust . . . But I think the point is quite clear.

I-330 laughed a long, strange laugh. Then she cast a look at me, into me.

“The most curious thing is that I am not in the least afraid of you. You are such a dear, I am sure of it! You would never think of going to the Bureau and reporting that I drink liqueurs and smoke. You will be sick or busy, or I don’t know what. . . . Furthermore, I am sure you will drink this charming poison with me.”

What an impertinent, mocking tone! I felt definitely that in a moment I would hate her. (Why in a moment? In fact, I hated her all the time.)

I-330 tilted the little glass of green poison straight into her mouth. Then she stood up, and all rosy through the translucent saffron-yellow tissue, she made a few steps and stopped behind my chair. . . . Suddenly her arms were about my neck . . . her lips grew into mine, no, even somewhere much deeper, much more terribly. . . . I swear all this was very unexpected for me. That is why perhaps . . . for I could not—at this moment I see clearly—I could not myself have the desire to . . .