Page:Evgenii Zamyatin - We (Zilboorg translation).pdf/95

hour from sixteen to seventeen I wandered near the house in which she lives. Numbers were passing by in rows. Thousands of feet were beating the time like a behemoth with a million legs passing by. I was alone, thrown out by a storm on an uninhabited island, and my eyes were seeking and seeking among the grayish-blue waves. “There, soon,” I thought, “will appear from somewhere the sharp mocking angles of the brows lifted to the temples, and the dark window eyes, and there behind them a flaming fireplace and someone’s shadow. And I will rush straight in behind those windows and say to her, “Thou”—yes, “thou” without fail. “Thou knowest I cannot live without thee any longer, then why . . .?” But silence reigned.

Suddenly I heard the silence; suddenly I heard the Musical Tower silenced, and I understood! It was after seventeen already; everyone had already left. I was alone. It was too late to return home. Around me—a desert made of glass and bathed with yellow sunshine. I saw, as if in water, the reflection of the walls in the glass smoothness of the street, sparkling walls, hanging upside down. Myself also upside down, hanging absurdly in the glass.

“I must go at once, this very second, to the Medical Bureau, or else . . . Or perhaps this would be best: to remain here, to wait quietly until they see me and come and take me into the Operation Department and put an end to everything at once, redeem everything. . . .” A slight rustle—and the double-curved S- was before me. Without looking I felt his two gray steel-drill eyes bore quickly into me. I plucked up all my strength to show a smile and to say

(I had to say something), “I . . . I must go to the Medical Bureau.”

“Who is detaining you? What are you standing here for?”

I was silent, absurdly hanging upside down.

“Follow me,” said S- austerely.

I followed obediently, waving my unnecessary foreign