Page:Gide - Strait is the Gate.pdf/165

This page has been proofread, but needs to be validated.

163 STRAIT IS THE GATE

wretchedness which from that moment overwhelmed me wholly? For if I have no forgiveness in my heart to-day for my failure to recognise that love that was still throbbing, hidden under a semblance so artificial, it was at first only this semblance that I was able to see; and so, no longer finding my friend, I accused her . . . No! Even then , Alissa, I did not accuse you, but wept despairingly that I could recognise you no longer. Now that I can gauge the strength of your love by the cunning of its silence and by its cruel workings, must I love you all the more, the more agonisingly you bereft me? Disdain? Coldness? No; nothing that could be overcome; nothing against which I could even struggle; and sometimes I hesitated, doubting whether I had not invented my misery, so subtle seemed its cause and so skilful was Alissa's pretence of not understanding it. What should I have complained of? Her welcome was more smiling than ever; never had she shown herself more cordial, more attentive; the first day I was almost taken in by it. What did it matte, after all, that she did her hair in a new way, which flattened it and dragged it back from her face, so that her features were harshened and their true expression altered — that an unbecoming dress,

This article is issued from Wikisource. The text is available under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 unless otherwise noted. Additional terms may apply for the media files.