Page:Gide - Strait is the Gate.pdf/184

STRAIT IS THE GATE 182

tried to see her? Yes, without doubt, I would just walk up the avenue, sit on the bench, where sometimes, perhaps, she still went to sit . . . and I was already beginning to wonder what token I could leave behind me, which after I had gone, would tell her of my coming ... Thus reflecting, I walked slowly on; and now that I had resolved not to see her, the sharpness of the sorrow which wrung my heart began to give way to a melancholy that was almost sweet. I had already reached the avenue, and, for fear of being taken unawares, I was walking on the footpath which ran along the bottom of the bank skirting the farmyard. I knew a place on the bank from which one could look over into the garden; I climbed up; a gardener whom I did not recognise, was raking one of the paths and soon disappeared from sight. There was a new gate to the courtyard. A dog barked as I went by. Further on, where the avenue came to an end, I turned to the right, came again upon the garden wall, and was making my way to the portion of the beech wood, parallel to the avenue I had left, when, as I was passing by the little door that led into the kitchen garden, the idea of going in suddenly seized me. The door was shut. The inside bolt, however,