Page:Life's little ironies (1894).pdf/244

"'Never!’ groans the clerk. ‘Tis a judgment upon us for our iniquities!'

"'I fear it is,’ murmurs the pa’son.

“Well, twas quite dark afore they entered the pa'sonage gate, having crept into the parish as quiet as if they'd stole a hammer, little wishing their congregation to know what they’d been up to all day long. And as they were so dog-tired, and so anxious about the horses, never once did they think of the unmarried couple, As soon as ever the horses had been stabled and fed, and the pa’son and clerk had had a bit and a sup theirselves, they went to bed.

"Next morning when Pa’son Toogood was at breakfast, thinking of the glorious sport he'd had the day before, the clerk came in a hurry to the door and asked to see him.

"It has just come into my mind, sir, that we've forgot all about the couple that we was to have married yesterday !”

"The half-chawed victuals dropped from the pa’son’s mouth as if he’d been shot. ‘Bless my soul,’ says he, go we have! How very awkward!'

"'It is, sir; very. Perhaps we've ruined the ‘coman!’

"'Ah—to be sure—I remember! She ought to have been married before.’

"If anything has happened to her up in that there tower, and no doctor or nuss—’

(“ Ah—poor thing!” sighed the women.)

“—'will be a quarter-sessions matter for us, not to speak of the disgrace to the Church !”

“Good God, clerk, don’t drive me wild!’ says the pa’son. ' Why the hell didn’t I marry ’em, drunk or sober!’ (Pa’sons used to cuss in them days like plain honest men.) ‘Have you been to the church to see what happened to them, or inquired in the village ?"