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T. Ampius[1] told me, and you saw how I hated the idea of leaving Rome. When I heard it, did I not declare to you that I would suffer any hardship on earth sooner than leave Italy to take part in a civil war? What has happened then to make me change my mind? Nay rather what has not happened to confirm me in my opinion? I should be glad if you would take my word for this—and I fancy it is what you think yourself—that I look for nothing else as the outcome of these miseries but that the world may at last realize that my one dominant desire was for peace; that, when there was no hope of peace, there was nothing I so persistently avoided as civil arms. My consistent conduct in this respect I think I shall never have reason to regret. Indeed I remember, that, in discussing such matters, it was a frequent boast of my dear friend, Q. Hortensius, that he had never taken part in civil warfare. My credit will be the more conspicuous in so far as in his case it was attributed to lack of spirit, whereas in my case I do not think such an idea could be possibly entertained.
4 And you do not frighten me with the arguments you so very loyally and lovingly set before me to intimidate me. Why, in this world-convulsion there is no bitterness of woe that does not seem to hang over the heads of all of us—and most gladly would I have diverted this woe from the state at the cost of my own private and domestic troubles, aye, even of those of which you warn me to beware.
5 To my son (I am glad you like him) if any form of government survives, I shall leave a sufficiently handsome inheritance in memory of my name; if there is no government at all, he
- ↑ tuba belli civilis, "trumpet of civil war," as being a violent advocate of "no compromise with Caesar."