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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[December 2, 1914.
Vicar (his mind full of the recruiting posters). "Wilt thou take this woman to thy wedded wife—for three years or the duration of the war?"
(Being a slight amplification, from another quarter, of the lines addressed to "Mr. Bernard Jaw" in last week's "Punch.")
Oft as I've wondered with a weary sigh At Mr. Shaw's incorrigible habitOf always seeing England with an eye That knows the armour's joint and where to stab it, And, sometimes taken by his style, Have half believed his taunts of guile, But oftener set them down to bile And eating too much green-stuff, like a rabbit;
I've dreamed a dream that, when the drums are still And stern Bellona, from her steel unbodiced,Regrets the overthrow of Kaiser Bill (Of all strange cranks, excepting one, the oddest), Disarmament and gentleness May also come to G. B. S., And, turned from wrath, he shall confess Britain in triumph was supremely modest.
A newer, better Poland shall arise, And Schleswig-Holstein be extremely perky;Alsace-Lorraine shall look with loving eyes To a clear dawn, where now the mists are murky, And messengers of peace shall stray On Balkan mounts, and my Aunt May Has frequently been heard to say That she intends to give the Belgians Turkey.
But what of England? Shall she not bestow Quiet upon the world, and ordered measure,And take no vantage of the fallen foe In land (which is but dust) and sordid treasure? But rather of her kindness yield The balm whereby hurt wounds are healed, That couchant in the selfsame field Lion and lamb may masticate at leisure.
Let it be written in the terms of peace, And evermore on brassy tablets graven,That England shall demand no right nor lease Of frontier nor of town, nor armoured haven, But cede with unreluctant paw To Germans and to German law The whole of this egregious Shaw, And only re-annex the Bard of Avon.Evoe.
"The commission is also empowered to order the removal of advertising on existing marquises if it is deemed objectionable."
Los Angeles Times.
Who are these marquises who are large enough for a really telling poster on the waistcoat?
"Here Colonel Hoffmann remarked: We have a feeling of absolute superiority over the Russians. We must win: we will win."
Daily Mail.
Look out for our new opera, "Fairy Tales of Hoffman."