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December 30, 1914.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

537

unfolder and cigar-holder-grip), to the nearest male Belgian; and

All other portable presents to the nearest female Belgian. (These two classes may be neatly acknowledged in the columns of the Courier Belge.)

All larger presents (of the motor-car, pianola and sewing machine variety) to be sold by auction for the National Relief Fund. Marked catalogue of the sale to be sent to the giver in proof of their safe arrival. Yours, etc.,

An Ordinary Englishman.

Officer (instructing recruits in signalling). "Didn't you get that message?"

Recruit. "Yes, Sir, 'Three Taubs and a Zeplin comin' over the 'ill.'"

Officer. "Then why the deuce didn't you sent it on?"

Recruit. "Well, Sir, I couldn't 'ardly believe it."

"The Surveyor reported that the owners of the manure heaps by the Recreation Ground Tennis Courts had by now been covered over with seaweed, etc., thus complying with the Council's wishes."—Barmouth Advertiser.

We hope this will be a lesson to them.

The usual formula for beginning a letter is thus neatly rendered by a Hottentot Boy:

"As I have a line to state just to let you know that I am still soluberious under the superiority of the Supreme-Being, hoping to hear the same likewise from you."

We recommend it very heartily as a good opening for New Years Eve correspondence.

THE IMPERIAL INFANTICIDE.

It was a mighty Emperor Of ancient pedigree Who said, "The future of our race Lies on the rolling sea!"And straightway laboured to fulfil His royal guarantee.

And the Day had dawned, for which He long had toiled and planned, Unto his Grand High Admiral He issued his command:"Go forth, and smite the enemy Upon his native strand."

Sailing by night and veiled in mist, His swiftest ships of war Rained death on two defenceless towns For half an hour or more, Till they had slain and wounded babes And women by the score.

The Fatherland was filled with joy By this heroic deed; It gloated o'er the slaughtered babes Öf Albion's hated breed; And Iron Crosses fell in showers On those who'd made them bleed.

But honest neutrals everywhere Were sickened and dismayed; The Turk, not squeamish as a rule, No special glee betrayed; And even Mr. Bernard Shaw Failed to defend the raid!

Then more in sorrow than in wrath The Emperor made moan: "Though martyred and misunderstood I tread my way alone, At least I have the sympathy Of God on His high throne."

Then from the pillar and the cloud Came accents clear and plain:"The Massacre of Innocents Passes the guilt of Cain; And those who sin with Herod earn His everlasting stain."

Two announcements at Hereford:—

"Cathedral Service, Sunday, Dec. 13th. Preacher: Rev. H. M. Spooner.

Baptist Chapel. Lecture: 'Slips of Speech and Trips in Type.'"

"Yes," said the President of Now College on his way to the Cathedral, "I know something about slips of speech, but what are tips in tripe?"