Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/251

The Kölnische Zeitung has paid Mr. Punch the compliment of devoting to him an entire article—written by no less a personage than a Herr Professor. To our unspeakable regret he finds some of our cartoons lacking in reverence for the Kaiser; he even uses the word "blasphemous" in one passage. Mr. Punch will, of course, be more careful in the future; one is so dreadfully apt to forget that the Kaiser is a Divinity.

"Germany," says a Berlin contemnporary, "has no intention of fighting with kid gloves." Quite so. Captaiu Kidd didn't wear any.

The fact that the War is costing us over a million a day makes one wonder whether there may not be an opening for cheaper wars. Estimates are being invited from a few of the South American republics.

There are many signs that the Sale Season is now on us. For instance, we read the other day in our Near Eastern news, "Four Forts Reduced"—and the Turks themselves, we understand, are now feeling very cheap, and may wake up any day to find that they have been sold at under cost price.

is no doubt how the Germans, exercising their natural gift for garbling facts, described our visit to the Dardanelles.

"God is only with the armies of believers," declared the Kaiser in one of his latest speeches. And as the Germans seem capable of believing anything that is told them by their newspapers it is evident that we are badly handicapped.

The new spirit in France! The Moulin Rouge has been burnt down.

Dr. Sven Hedin has again been invited to be the Kaiser's guest at the Front, and we should say that he runs some danger of becoming Sveld Hedin.

Check suits we have heard of, but a bank-note suit is something new, and we are surprised that our contemporary did not publish a picture of this costume in its Monster Fashion Number.

It is not uninteresting to note that Italy's desire to be of service to the Allies is of no mushroom growth. We are told that some of the Belgian canals which permitted such a stubborn defence against the German invaders were constructed during the Roman occupation by Nero Claudius Drusus.

A correspondent writes to inform us that a well-known Dairy Company supplied him, on February 28th, with some eggs dated March 1st. It certainly speaks well for the patriotism of our British hens that, in their anxiety that there should be no shortage of food here, they should actually be laying eggs a day in advance.

Mr. Frank Curzon is producing at the Prince of Wales's Theatre a new a farce entitled "He didn't want to do tit." It sounds like a play about the Kaiser.

Mr. Edwin Evans writes to The Observer:—"Allow me to correct the 'Saying of the Week' in yours of the 21st inst., that Mr. Edwin Evans considers German ascendency in music to belong to the remote past. Readers of my translation of Wagner's 'Opera and Drama,' or of my 'Brahms,' are sure to wonder at this view, which, however, is really that of Mr. Edwin Evans, junr." Now what we want to know is this: Has Mr. Edwin Evans, junr., been spanked by Mr. Edwin Evans, senr., for placing his poor father in such an awkward position?

We are not surprised to hear that Corporal Jenkin of the 1st Battalion London Rifle Brigade succeeded in capturing a German flag at the Front. Corporal Jenkin is an artist, and it was only natural that he should make for the colours.

Life's little tragedies! Extract from the current number of The Author:—"We regret that the work 'Vidyapati,' translated by Ananda Coomaraswamy and Arun Sen, was wrongly classified in our February issue under 'Miscellaneous.' The correct classification is 'Poetry.'"

We are always willing to make the exchange.

"All right, Pasha—we've got 'alf the Dardanelles ter wash in!"

"Mr. R. J. H. writes—I am extremely pleased with the .22-Bore High Power Savage Rifle. It is a marvellous rifle for the size of the bore. You will be pleased to hear I have shot one Blue Bull, one Cheetah, two Black Buck, two Leopards, and a Mugger all with a single shot.'"—Advt. in "Allahabad Pioneer."

The attention of the War Office ought to be drawn to the killing powers of this wonderful weapon. But "R. J. H." deserves some credit, too, for manoeuvring so as to get all his victims, including the Mugger, into line before he fired.

"By some gratuitous malice of nature these bachelor survivals seem to be generally cock birds."—Field.

From The Daily Mail's account of the attack on the Suez Canal:—

"The enemy remaining entrenched dashed forward to the attack in the Plain of the Hyenas."

How the natives must have laughed!

"Ernest was at home assisting his father in his dying and finishing business and was an enthusiastic member of the U.V.F., being half company commander in his father's company. He followed Sir Edward Carson's advice, and joined the New Army."

Mid-Ulster Mail.

So now Ernest will assist the Kaiser in his "dying and finishing business."