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June 9, 1915
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
455
"Why don't you use your brains, Douglas?"
"Because I want them to last."
IMPROVING THE OCCASION.
(Being some metrical suggestions for the encouragement of Home Travel.)
To Lovers of Beauty.
"See Naples and die"In the days long gone by Was a saying of wide circulation; "See Blackpool and live"Is the counsel I give To all who require recreation.
Why be lured from Old England to roamBy the charm of melodious names? There are plenty of places at home With quite as euphonious claims.
You may talk of Bellaggios and sich, I call them mere musical footle, They never attain to the pitch Of Chirk, Ballybunnion and Bootle.
To Climbers.
If you 're anxious for to shine In the mountaineering line And desire an object worthy of your mettle, Don't allow your thirst for fame To inspire you with the aim Of escalading Popocatapetl.
No, spend a brace of weeks On MacGillycuddy's Reeks, They will put you in the very finest fettle; And what is more, your choice Will infallibly rejoice The heart of good Professor T. M. Kettle.
As it's costly to seek Aconcagua's Peak, With its crown of perpetual snow, Be contented and hie To the Coolins of Skye, They're the handiest Andes I know.
Though Switzerland seems just at present Too near the War zone to be pleasant, All its charms are supplied In our Lake countryside, Excepting the merry Swiss peasant.
To Explorers.
Leave Darkest Africa alone Until the war-cloud's overblown—We've a Black Country of our own Where Bennett sits upon his throne.
Scotland for Ever
The famous capital of Greece, Though nominally still at peace,Is in a state of ebullition; But why regret it? Have we not A Modern Athens on the spot Replete with classical tradition?
If you 're feeling run down By the racket of town, Which the best constitution enfeebles, Health, pastime and pleasure You'll find in full measure On the Scots Riviera at Peebles.
"It is understood that the campaign in Skibbereen and district has been successful, several young men, principally shot assistants, having come forward and volunteered."
Cork Constitution.
Recruits who have already been under fire are, of course, particularly valuable.
"As the result of a vigorous bombardment on Friday the enemy was forced to make a voluntary retreat at one point of his line."
Yorkshire Telegraph.
This manoeuvre resembles what hunting-men call "taking a voluntary."
"One mother, a widow, was asked by her son in Australia for her permission to volunteer for the front. She cabled him at once:—'Join the Austrian contingent.—Mother.'"
