Page:The Scourge - Volume 9.djvu/177

Mr. Editor,

Tradition informs us that the time was when John Bull, a gentleman at present of a lean and spare habit, was protuberant about the waistcoat, and sturdy about the limbs, that he boasted a hearty constitution, and a ruddy smiling countenance, such a one in short as good old home-brewed never failed to impart, and content and exercise to cherish; now being anxious to learn the truth of these traditory tales of former plethora, which was only to be ascertained by a rigid inquiry into the written records of these oral fictions, as I have hitherto considered them, I find that it was absolutely the case, that our friend John at one time measured from two and a half to three and a half yards round the waist, that he was an ell in circumference at the knee, and that his

night-cap of that day would fit him for a present pair of breeches! Have mercy on me! How is our venerable friend altered! He is now, in the words of our great bard, scarce "an eagle's talon in the waist;" his shin-bone seams his stocking like a hand-saw, and his night-cap a mere extinguisher to a four in the pound. Well, Sir, my inquiry would have proved profitless, even in the arrival at the fact, unless I had penetrated into the cause, and ascertained it in all its various ramifications. I have the satisfaction of saying, Sir, that after a world of research I have accomplished my object, and with your permission I will lay before your numerous readers the result of my labors. In the first place, Sir, arguing the