Pansies (Lawrence)/When I Went to the Circus—
WHEN I WENT TO THE CIRCUS———
When I went to the circus that had pitched on the waste lotit was full of uneasy peoplefrightened of the bare earth and the temporary canvasand the smell of horses and other beastsinstead of merely the smell of man.
Monkeys rode rather grey and wizenedon curly plump piebald poniesand the children uttered a little cry—and dogs jumped through hoops and turned somersaultsand then the geese scuttled in in a little flockand round the ring they went to the sound of the whipthen doubled, and back, with a funny up-flutter of wings— and the children suddenly shouted out.Then came the hush again, like a hush of fear.
The tight-rope lady, pink and blonde and nude-looking, with a few gold spanglesfooted cautiously out on the rope, turned prettily, spun roundbowed, and lifted her foot in her hand, smiled, swung her parasolto another balance, tripped round, poised, and slowly sankher handsome thighs down, down, till she slept her splendid body on the rope.When she rose, tilting her parasol, and smiled at the cautious peoplethey cheered, but nervously.
The trapeze man, slim and beautiful and like a fish in the airswung great curves through the upper space, and came down like a star—And the people applauded, with hollow, frightened applause.
The elephants, huge and grey, loomed their curved bulk through the dusk and sat up, taking strange postures, showing the pink soles of their feetand curling their precious live trunks like ammonitesand moving always with soft slow precisionas when a great ship moves to anchor.The people watched and wondered, and seemed to resent the mystery that lies in beasts.
Horse, gay horses, swirling round and plaitingin a long line, their heads laid over each other's necks;they were happy, they enjoyed it;all the creatures seemed to enjoy the gamein the circus, with their circus people.
But the audience, compelled to wondercompelled to admire the bright rhythms of moving bodiescompelled to see the delicate skill of flickering human bodiesflesh flamey and a little heroic, even in a tumbling clown,they were not really happy.There was no gushing response, as there is at the film.
When modern people see the carnal body dauntless and flickering gay playing among the elements neatly, beyond competitionand displaying no personality,modern people are depressed.
Modern people feel themselves at a disadvantage.They know they have no bodies that could play among the elements.They have only their personalities, that are best seen flat, on the film,flat personalities in two dimensions, imponderable and touchless.
And they grudge the circus people the swooping gay weight of limbsthat flower in mere movement,and they grudge them the immediate, physical understanding they have with their circus beasts,and they grudge them their circus-life altogether.
Yet the strange, almost frightened shout of delight that comes now and then from the childrenshows that the children vaguely know how cheated they are of their birthrightin the bright wild circus flesh.