Recollections of Napoleon at St. Helena/Chapter 12
CHAPTER XII.
BALL AT DEADWOOD.—NAPOLEON'S CRITICISMS ON DRESS.—HIS DISLIKE TO THE CUSTOM OF SITTING LATE AFTER DINNER.—DRIVE TO DEADWOOD BALL.—LORD АМHERSТ.—THE DEJEUNÉ ON BOARD THE NEWCASTLE.—THE EXTRACTION OF THE EMPEROR'S FIRST TOOTH.—HIS HORROR OF PLAIN WOMEN.
A ball, occasionally given by the officers of the 66th regiment, afforded some variety to the dreariness of Madame Bertrand's changed existence. One of these took place whilst we were on a visit to her, and it was arranged that we should go together in Napoleon's carriage, after dining with the emperor, as he said he wished to criticise our dresses, and then proceed from his door to the ball.
Madame Montholon very good naturedly sent her maid Josephine to arrange my hair. She combed and strained it off my face, making me look like a Chinese. It was the first time I had seen such a coiffure, and I thought I had never beheld any thing so hideous in my life, and would gladly have pulled it all down, but there was no time, and I was obliged to make my appearance before Napoleon, whose laugh I dreaded, with my eyes literally starting from my head, in consequence of the uneasy manner in which my hair had been arranged. However, to my great comfort, he did not quiz it, but said it was the only time he had ever seen it wear the appearance of any thing like neatness. But my little leno frock did not pass muster so well: he declared it was frightful, from its extreme shortness, and desired me to have it lengthened. In vain I pleaded the impossibility of any alteration; he kept twitching it about, until I was obliged to fly to Josephine, and have the desired change made by letting down some of the tucks, thereby spoiling the effect of my pretty dress; but I knew it was useless resisting, when once the fiat had gone forth.
After dinner the carriage was announced, and we all obeyed the emperor's signal of rising from table, his manner of performing that ceremony being brusque and startling. He would push his chair suddenly away, and rise as if he had received an electric shock. I recollect his remarking upon the want of gallantry displayed by Englishmen, in sitting so long after dinner. He said, "If Balcombe had been here, he would want to drink one, two, three, ah! cinq bouteilles, eh? Balcombe go to the Briars to get droonk?" It was one of his early attempts at expressing himself in English. I think I can see him now, holding up one of his exquisitely taper fingers, and counting how many bottles my father usually drank before he joined the ladies. "If I were you, Mrs. Balcombe," he said, addressing my mother, "I should be very angry at being turned out to wait for two or three hours, whilst your husband and his friends were making themselves drunk. How different are Frenchmen, who think society cannot be agreeable without the presence of ladies!"
After drinking some of La Page's delectable coffee, and being helped to the sugar by Napoleon's fingers, instead of silver tongs, we proceeded to the carriage, which was in waiting. Madame Bertrand led the way, carrying her baby, little Arthur, followed by my mother, my sister and myself, and General Gourgaud. On being seated, the signal was given, the whip applied to the spirited Cape steeds, and away they tore, first on one side of the track (for road there was none) and then on the other, Madame Bertrand screaming with all her power for Achainbaud to stop; but it was not until a check was put to the velocity of the carriage, by its coming in contact with a large gum-wood tree, that we had any chance of being heard. At length the door was opened, and out we scrambled, up to our knees in mud, the night being wet and foggy. We had nearly a mile to walk through this filthy road to Deadwood, and the poor Countess all the while carrying her infant, who would not be pacified with any other nurse. I never shall forget the figure we cut on arriving at Mr. Baird's quarters, where we were provided with dry clothes; nor the ludicrous appearance of Madame Bertrand, habited in one of Mrs. Baird's dresses, which was half a yard too short, and much too small in every way. Mrs. Baird being remarkably petite, whilst the Countess was renommée for her tall and graceful stature. But in spite of our adventure and contretemps, we had a very merry ball, and the party did not separate until long after the booming guns from the forts around announced the break of day. We cared little for our walk home through the mist and rain, as we knew that on arriving at the Grand Marshal's cottage we should be refreshed by a good breakfast and comfortable beds. Napoleon complimented me on my dancing and appearance at the ball, which he had heard were much admired, and also told me that I was considered very like Baroness Sturmer, and might be mistaken for her young sister. I was flattered at the resemblance, as I thought her the prettiest woman I had ever seen.
I had been to a breakfast given to Lord Amherst, (the British ambassador to the Chinese empire,) on board the Newcastle, where this fête was held, the entertainers being Sir Pulteney and Lady Malcolm. On next visiting Longwood, I was surprised and vexed to find that the emperor had heard an account of the party from other lips than mine, as I was anxious to forestall the narration of the exploits of a certain hoydenish young lady, namely, myself; but he had received a faithful detail of them from Dr. O'Meara. He pretended to scold and take me to task for being such a petite folle, and said he hoped the account were not true; he then began recapitulating the offences of which I had been guilty, to my father, stating that I had teased and locked up pretty little Miss P., while the ladies were being whipped[1] over the side of the frigate to return to the shore, and it was not until we had nearly reached the fort that the fair lady's absence was perceived, when, it being inconvenient to return the barge, it was proposed to Captain G., one of the party, and a great admirer of the young lady, that he should proceed to the frigate and rescue the terrified girl. Napoleon said, "Miss Betsee must be punished for being so naughty. N'est ce pas, Balcombe?" turning to my father, whom he requested to set me a task, to be repeated to him on my next visit; such a request my father was of course delighted to put into execution, being only too happy to have an excuse to make me study. On hearing what was in store for me, I assured him I had been sufficiently punished already for my cruelty to Miss P., having been really frightened out of my little wits by the roaring of the cannon from every fort which overbung the bay, and from all the men-of-war stationed in the harbour, to salute Lord Amherst on his landing. I also mentioned the scolding I had received from Lady Lowe, who kept desiring me to use my reason, and "not to be so childish."
Napoleon did not lose the opportunity of attacking Lady Lowe, though at my expense, and said he wondered at her ladyship's want of perception in giving me credit for what I never possessed. I amused Bonaparte that day by my ecstacies in describing the impression the courtier-like manner and charming address of Lord Amherst had made on me. He seemed pleased at my entertaining the same idea as himself, and said, "The ambassador must have been fascinating to have impressed your youthful fancy."
From the strict surveillance exercised over the emperor, the inconveniences suffered by his suite were, on many occasions, extremely annoying, and I quote the following as an instance:—my sister and I were constantly in the habit of staying with Madame Bertrand, who kindly volunteered, during my long visits to her, to superintend my studies. Upon one occasion, at her request, I attempted to sing a little French romance, composed by Hortense Beauharnois, daughter to the empress Josephine, entitled, "Le depart des Styriens." This song had been sent to her the preceding evening by Napoleon, who was anxious to hear it, and intimated that he should come for that purpose. He came according to promise, but was not only disappointed but angry at the discordant sounds that issued from the piano, which, from damp and disuse, had acquired tones very like those of a broken down hurdy-gurdy. The only person on the island capable of remedying the defects of the instrument, was Mr. Guinness, band-master on board the "General Kid," then lying in the St. James's harbour. Mr. Guinness[2], who, at the request of the countess was summoned by my father for the purpose, was on the point of leaving the side of the ship, when an order from the governor desired him to stay where he was.
Napoleon expressed a wish to see a boa constrictor brought by Captain Murray Maxwell to the island. I had described its gorging a goat, and the extraordinary appearance it presented after such a meal. The horns of the unfortunate animal, which had been put alive into the cage, seemed as if they must protrude through the snake's skin. The emperor observed, that he thought, from what he had heard, that the Marquess de M———, from the quantity of food he consumed, must resemble a bon constrictor. I understood that it was not thought advisable to comply with the emperor's wish to have the monster conveyed to Longwood.
Early one morning, whilst I was wandering about the gardens and plantations at Longwood, I encountered the emperor, who stopped, told me to come with him, and he would shew me some pretty toys. Such an invitation was not to be resisted, and I accordingly accompanied him to his billiard-room, where he displayed a most gorgeously carved set of chess-men, which had been presented to him by Mr. Elphinstone. He might well call them toys, every one being in itself a gem. The castles, surmounting superbly chased elephants, were filled with warriors in the act of discharging arrows from their bended bows; the knights were cased in armour, with their visors up, and mounted on beautifully caparisoned horses; mitred bishops appeared in their flowing robes; and every pawn was varied in character and splendour of costume, each figure furnishing a specimen of the dress of some different nation. Such workmanship had never before left China: art and taste had been exerted to the utmost to devise such rare specimens of skill and elegance. The emperor was as much pleased with his present as I should have been with a new plaything. He told me he had just finished a game of chess with Lady Malcolm, with these most beautiful things, and that she had beaten him; he thought, solely from his attention having been occupied in admiring the men, instead of considering the game. The work-boxes and card-counters were lovely: the latter representing all the varied trades of China, minutely executed in carving. These gifts were presented to Napoleon, as a token of gratitude, by Mr. Elphinstone, from the circumstance of the emperor having humanely attended to his brother, when severely wounded on the field of Waterloo—on which occasion Napoleon sent for his refreshment a goblet of wine from his own canteen, on hearing he was faint from the loss of blood. Napoleon observed, that he thought the chess-men too pretty for St. Helena, and that therefore he should transmit them to the King of Rome. Another present which attracted my attention, was a superb ivory tea chest, which, when open, presented a perfect model of the city of Canton, most ingeniously manufactured of stained ivory; underneath this tray were packets of the finest tea, done up in fantastic shapes. Napoleon told me, that when he was Emperor of France he did not permit any tea to be drunk in his dominions except that grown in Switzerland, which so nearly resembled the Chinese plant that the difference was not perceptible. He also cultivated the growth of beet-root, for the purpose of making sugar, instead of depending upon foreign produce.
Seeing the ex-emperor one day less amiable than usual, and his face very much swollen and inflamed, I inquired the cause, when he told me that Mr. O'Meara had just performed the operation of drawing a tooth, which caused him some pain. I exclaimed, "What!—you complain of the pain so trifling an operation can give? You, who have passed through battles innumerable, amid storms of bullets whizzing around you, and by some of which you must occasionally have been hit! I am ashamed of you. But, nevertheless, give me the tooth, and I will get it set by Mr. Solomons as an ear-ring, and wear it for your sake." The idea made him laugh heartily, in spite of his suffering, and caused him to remark, that he thought I should never cut my wisdom teeth;—he was always in extra good humour with himself whenever he was guilty of any thing approaching to the nature of a witticism.
Napoleon had a peculiar horror of ugly women, and knowing this weakness, I one day begged he would allow me to introduce to him a Mrs. S., the wife of a gentleman holding a high official appointment in India. I must confess feeling rather nervous at the time, knowing her to be one of the very plainest persons ever seen. She had, nevertheless, all the airs and graces of a beauty, and believed herself to be as lovely as Chinerey had pourtrayed her on ivory. She thought she might make an impression on the great man, and for that purpose loaded herself with all the finery an Indian wardrobe could afford. She dressed in crimson velvet bordered with pearls, and her black hair she braided and adorned with pearls, and butterflies composed of diamonds, rubies, and emeralds. When introduced to Napoleon, and after he had put the usual questions to her, as to whether she were married, how many children she had, and so on; he scrutinised her over and over again, trying, but in vain, to discover some point whereon to compliment her; at last he perceived that she had an immense quantity of coarse, fuzzy, black hair, which he remarked, by saying to her, "Madame, you have most luxuriant hair." The lady was so much pleased with this speech of the emperor's, that on her arrival in England she published in the newspapers an account of her interview with him, and said "Napoleon had lost his heart to her beauty." I really did incur the emperor's displeasure for a few days. by the trick I had played him, having led him to suppose he was about to see a perfect Venus; and he prohibited me from ever introducing any more ladies to him.