Volpone/Act V Scene II
SCENE II.
A Hall in sir Politick's House.
Enter Peregrine disguised, and three Merchants.
Per. Am I enough disguised?
1 Mer. I warrant you.
Per. All my ambition is to fright him only.
2 Mer. If you could ship him away, 'twere excellent.
3 Mer. To Zant, or to Aleppo?
Per. Yes, and have his
Adventures put i' the Book of Voyages,[1]
And his gull'd story register'd for truth.
Well, gentlemen, when I am in a while,
And that you think us warm in our discourse,
Know your approaches.
1 Mer. Trust it to our care.
[Exent Merchants.
Enter Waiting-woman.
Per. Save you, fair lady! Is sir Pol within?
Wom. I do not know, sir.
Per. Pray you say unto him,
Here is a merchant, upon earnest business,
Desires to speak with him.
Wom. I will see sir.[Exit.
Per. Pray you.—
I see the family is all female here.
Re-enter Waiting-woman.
Wom. He says, sir, he has weighty affairs of state,
That now require him whole; some other time
You may possess him.
Per. Pray you say again,
If those require him whole, these will exact him,
Whereof I bring him tidings.[Exit Woman.]—What might be
His grave affair of state now! how to make
Bolognian sausages here in Venice, sparing
One o' the ingredients?
Re-enter Waiting-woman.
Wom. Sir, he says, he knows
By your word tidings,[2] that you are no statesman,
And therefore wills you stay.
Per. Sweet, pray you return him;
I have not read so many proclamations,
And studied them for words, as he has done——
But—here he deigns to come.[Exit Woman.
Enter sir Politick.
Sir P. Sir, I must crave
Your courteous pardon. There hath chanced to-day,
Unkind disaster 'twixt my lady and me;
And I was penning my apology,
To give her satisfaction, as you came now.
Per. Sir, I am grieved I bring you worse disaster:
The gentleman you met at the port to-day,
That told you, he was newly arrived——
Sir P. Ay, was
A fugitive punk?
Per. No, sir, a spy set on you;
And he has made relation to the senate,
That you profest to him to have a plot
To sell the State of Venice to the Turk.
Sir P. O me!
Per. For which, warrants are sign'd by this time,
To apprehend you, and to search your study
For papers————
Sir P. Alas, sir, I have none, but notes
Drawn out of play-books———
Per. All the better, sir.
Sir P. And some essays. What shall I do?
Per. Sir, best
Convey yourself into a sugar-chest;
Or, if you could lie round, a frail were rare,[3]
And I could send you aboard.
Sir P. Sir, I but talk'd so,
For discourse sake merely.[Knocking within.
Per. Hark! they are here.
Sir P. I am a wretch, a wretch!
Per. What will you do, sir?
Have you ne'er a currant-butt to leap into?
They'll put you to the rack; you must be sudden.
Sir P. Sir, I have an ingine———
3 Mer. [within.] Sir Politick Would-be!
2 Mer. [within.] Where is he?
Sir P. That I have thought upon before time.
Per. What is it?
Sir P. I shall ne'er endure the torture.
Marry, it is, sir, of a tortoise-shell,
Fitted for these extremities: pray you, sir, help me.
Here I've a place sir, to put back my legs,
Please you to lay it on, sir, [Lies down while Per. places the shell upon him.]—with this cap,
And my black gloves. I'll lie, sir, like a tortoise,
Till they are gone.
Per. And call you this an ingine?
Sir P. Mine own device——Good sir, bid my wife's women
To burn my papers.[Exit Per.
The three Merchants rush in.
1 Mer. Where is he hid?
3 Mer. We must,
And will sure find him.
2 Mer. Which is his study?
Re-enter Peregrine.
1 Mer. What
Are you, sir?
Per. I am a merchant, that came here
To look upon this tortoise?
3 Mer. How!
1 Mer. St. Mark!
What beast is this?
Per. It is a fish.
2 Mer. Come out here!
Per. Nay, you may strike him, sir, and tread upon him:
He'll bear a cart.
1 Mer. What, to run over him?
Per. Yes, sir.
3 Mer. Let's jump upon him.
2 Mer. Can he not go?
Per. He creeps, sir.
1 Mer. Let's see him creep.
Per. No, good sir, you will hurt him.
2 Mer. Heart, I will see him creep, or prick his guts.
3 Mer. Come out here!
Per. Pray you, sir!—Creep a little. [Aside to sir Pol.
1 Mer. Forth.
2 Mer. Yet farther.
Per. Good sir!—Creep.
2 Mer. We'll see his legs.
[They pull of the shell and discover him.
3 Mer. Ods so, he has garters!
1 Mer. Ay, and gloves!
2 Mer. Is this
Your fearful tortoise?
Per. [discovering himself.] Now, sir Pol, we are even;
For your next project I shall be prepared:
I am sorry for the funeral of your notes, sir.
1 Mer. 'Twere a rare motion to be seen in Fleet-street.[4]
2 Mer. Ay, in the Term.
1 Mer. Or Smithfield, in the fair.
3 Mer. Methinks 'tis but a melancholy sight.
Per. Farewell, most politic tortoise!
[Exeunt Per. and Merchants.]
Re-enter Waiting-Woman.
Sir P. Where's my lady?
Knows she of this?
Wom. I know not, sir.
Sir P. Enquire.—
O, I shall be the fable of all feasts,
The freight of the gazetti,[5] ship-boys' tale;
And, which is worst, even talk for ordinaries.
Wom. My lady's come most melancholy home,
And says, sir, she will straight to sea, for physic.
Sir P. And I, to shun this place and clime for ever,
Creeping with house on back, and think it well
To shrink my poor head in my politic shell.
[Exeunt.
- ↑ In the Book of Voyages,] I know not what particular book Jonson had in view here, unless he may be thought to allude to the early volumes of Hakluyt, a man never to be mentioned without praise and veneration. Collections of voyages, however, were sufficiently numerous in the poet's time, when they formed the delight of all classes of people; many of them, too, contained "stories" not only "registered" but received "for truth," altogether as extravagant as this ridiculous adventure of sir Politick's, which had nothing in it to shock the taste, or even to tax the credulity of our forefathers.
- ↑ By your word tidings,] The state term, I presume, was intelligence. Tidings, sir Pol seems to consider as a mercantile or city phrase.
- ↑ A frail were rare,] A rush-basket, in which raisins and figs are usually packed.Whal.
- ↑ 'Twere a rare motion to be seen in Fleet-street.] Where exhibitions of this nature were usually made, (see Vol. II. 66,) and where, not improbably, some such "fearful tortoise," half natural and half artificial, was at this very instant abusing the credulous curiosity of the worthy citizens and their wives. There is a pleasant incident of this kind in The City Match.
- ↑ The freight of the gazetti,] i. e. the subject of the newspapers. This whole scene, says Upton, seems to be impertinent; and to interrupt the story. It is not, indeed, very intimately connected with the main plot; yet it is not altogether without its use. Jonson wanted time for Mosca to make "the commandadore drunk," and "procure his habit" for Volpone; and it does not appear that he could have filled up the interval more pleasantly, in any other manner. For the rest, this little interlude (it is no more) is intitled to a considerable degree of praise. The satire is strong, and well directed. Sir Politick is a very amusing piece of importance, and may be styled the prototype of all our travelled politicians: and it would be an absolute defect of understanding, to place any of the precieuses ridicules of our own stage, or even that of France, (more happy in such characters) by the side of the "Fine Lady Would-be."